A month has passed
It has been a month since I last heard from her and almost as long since she "left". When I was told she had left, I was sure she was leaving the Middle East. I had no idea that a month would pass and I would have no idea where she is. I feel sick.
posted by Kate Hatch at 7:53 PM
7 Comments:
Just a thought... I had to catch up on months of your blog, as I had broken up with my boyfriend and moved 5 states away and had to find a new job- if youre still feeling a little overexposed- just make a new blog and dont tell anyone about it. I did once and it was exactly what I needed.
I've been thinking along those lines. I really struggle with the exposure. Especially because people I know read the blog and it makes for a lopsided relationship--my stuff is all out there and their's isn't! But at the same time, I feel really tied to this blog. I am pretty loyal, but that is probably obvious by now.
I hope things are going well for you! Did everything work out?
Well, I moved back to Atlanta and (finally) found a job. I had been back a few weeks and went out with some kids of my parents friends who are my age. We all lived on the same street when we were born, but I moved when I was 2, so I didnt stay friends with them. The guy that was there, whom apparantly I was planning on marrying when I was in nursery school, asked me out and we've been dating for about 5 months now. He is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. And there is no surprises like last time, no divorces, no kids, no drug or alcohol problems. I finally found someone who treats me the way I know I deserve to be treated....ok your turn! ;)
Congrats on the decent, kind guy. Amazing! And on the job!
Well, I go between feeling paralyzed because so many aspects of my life are on hold right now and being really productive. My focus right now is really on getting myself in order, which is a really big job. So I am straightening myself out in every way--well, not "straightening"--basically, I am taking care of myself, which I stopped doing a while back. This means that small things, like going to the dentist, feel extremely rewarding right now. Not bad.
I was in such a bad place when I was still in Texas. I hated my job, my relationship was so bad I had to go on anti-anxiety medication just to function. So to move away from all of that, go home, normalize my life, get a job and find someone like Jay I figure is just karma. I know exactly what I did to deserve him, I put up with my ex for as long as I did! Like that song Scars by Poppa Roach- you cant fix them.
So true. You can't fix them. Worse than that, there is a real cost for trying. Under the burden of trying to take care of her, I stopped taking care of myself. Not sure when it happened, but I really did believe I didn't deserve much of anything. I swear I was grateful for any scrap I got from her or from anyone. That is changing!
I have to admit, its nice to feel wanted by someone who is constant in their behavior. By the time I dumped my ex I was starved for attention, I felt so unloved. So THAT night I let my old roommate from college set me up on a blind date so I wouldnt have to sit at home and be there when he came back to get his things. It was a great distraction to be out with someone new that thought I was attractive and interesting. Helped me get my feeling of self worth back.
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